


November 2nd

by Jeanmon (JeanTheShipper)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Mary's Death Anniversaries, November 2nd
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-03
Updated: 2015-11-03
Packaged: 2018-04-29 16:33:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5134808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JeanTheShipper/pseuds/Jeanmon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Through out what has been almost his whole life, Dean has had to deal with his mother's death, but things don't remain the same as when he was four.</p>
            </blockquote>





	November 2nd

**Author's Note:**

> The first work I'm finally posting. I hope y'all enjoy this little oneshot in loving memory of Mary Winchester, an amazing mother.

The first couple of anniversaries are a little bit of a blur to Dean. He was too young. Not even old enough to fill his mind with resentment, or memories full of anger and pain yet. He does remember though, restless nights missing his mom; John leaving and not coming back till morning, other times John staying and spending quiet evenings with him and Sammy, but not once Dean remembers his father shedding a tear. At least not after the funeral. 

There are a few things he can actually recall from that day though. All had turned gray; the sky, the church, the faces. The light had seemed to go away all of a sudden, and Dean remembers the feeling. The heavy burden of finally realizing. The feeling of knowing his mother was gone, and even if he knew that was supposed to mean she would be in Heaven now, it also meant she wasn't coming back to him. 

And Dean also remembers the fire.

***

As Dean grew up the date became even lonelier. Sam had been too young when it happened; therefore, he didn't understand why on November 2nd his brother and father would be so silent. He would do what all babies do, and that would take Dean's attention from the nostalgia invading his thoughts. Yet Sam had to grow up eventually. Once he understood what had happened John didn't seem able of handling it anymore than he sometimes could. He left for every single anniversary after Sammy knew. 

*** 

Now, Dean can remember this date during his teenage years. He recalls them being painful and quiet days. There was no hunting on November 2nd, and he was silently thankful whenever the weather was cold and grey, the clouds not letting any sunshine through. He was angry. He couldn't understand why in a world full of shitty people it had been her. The woman who sang Hey Jude for them so they could fall asleep, the  woman who made him sandwiches whenever he was hungry, who told him angels where watching over him, who loved him. But where were those angels? Why didn't they do anything? It wasn't fair. Since the day his family had lost Mary Winchester he had only discovered the darkness and wickedness hidden in the world, and not once had he encountered anything good. He had lost faith. Where was God when the demons and vampires and werewolves were about to kill him? Where had God been when his mother was killed? Why would God let the good people die? Dean couldn't understand any of it.

On those dates he would seem like a lost soul roaming through the motel room filling his mind with all these questions and all this resentment, and not even little Sammy was able of distracting him anymore.

***

When Dean grew up the way the anniversaries went by changed. He still likes the weather to cooperate, he doesn't think the birds should sing or the sun should shine on the day the world lost such an amazing person, but he isn't so resentful anymore, in fact he even allows himself to think that Mary would have actually enjoyed such sunny days. The no-hunting-on-November-2nd tradition still remains though, and Dean, along with Sam, spends the date peacefully hanging out in their motel room. Though Dean still stays mostly silent the whole day, by the end of it Sam always gets him to laugh a little with whatever they choose to watch that night. And if Dean is really lucky then he'll also have Cas' company, which for Dean is always nice, even if he doesn't say it outloud. 

Now, there are some nights where Dean lets a tear or two fall down his cheeks (never letting Sam know this), but that is only because he misses her, because it's too much to live without her sometimes,l. He remembers asking her, asking her not to get out of bed on November 2nd, 1983. His voice breaking and Mary promising she won't, but she loved them too much. She loved Dean and Sam too much to not get up and go check on her little baby. She was too good and loved her boys too much to keep the promise. And Dean is at peace with that, because he loves her a little bit too much too. 


End file.
